Its been a year since I have added to this blog.
I have fallen into some bad habits of living somewhat passively. I’ll try and be generous here for once to myself. Last year, I was really unhappy with where I was at professionally and knew that I needed to make a change. Most of my career has been spent as a front end developer working in web with no end in sight. I set the goal to switch to backend and was able to accomplish this. This journal will be an examination of what worked, and how I will apply it to the next project. I will also examine other times I have been successful, but perhaps unsustainable.
To try and “break into” backend development, I spent 290 days in a row learning first some Java, then Kotlin. I chose Kotlin since it was the backend language of choice at work, and my current job offered the most obvious path to backend work. This was successful.
I learned enough Kotlin, and earned enough trust from managers that I was able to switch teams, providing web support but ultimately onboarding as a backend engineer. I ended up working on full stack features, query optimizations, and API migrations. Just when I was really getting into it, I was told I would need to commit the next quarter (more like half, realistically) to web again.
It’s a legitimate opportunity, but not one that I wanted. I dedicated time for almost a year to get away from this work. I have been mixed on the issue, and how to proceed. I could coast and try to make the switch again. I could also try really hard, knock it out of the park, and get promoted as a web engineer. As I think more about this I have started to realize that while I have agency, I am not in control of my situation.
Even though it was top down direction, it is at least partly my fault. If I was providing more value, it’s possible my manager would have been more responsive to me saying “web is the last thing I want to do”. I didn’t have enough corporate capital to chart my own path, or to go against the business’ needs (can you ever as an employee?). So even though I didn’t choose this, I am not without some responsibility.
Coincidentally, my manager is leaving the company and we were able to have a somewhat frank conversation. In it he asked what was important to me. I word vomited since I hadn’t really articulated it to myself even before that point. I know I said something like, “if I am still doing performance reviews in my 40s I will be extremely disappointed with myself.” He rephrased my rambling to “self determination”.
The process by which a person controls their own life.
Since conversing, I have been wondering how I should spend my time. Consistently I imagine myself of having my own company, having no boss, being able to make money from my own ideas, and being able to pursue my own ideas at my leisure. This is probably a fantasy, but it’s dawning on me (for the nth time) that I am doing nothing to make any of this a reality.
There is a laziness in me that I am ashamed to admit. While thinking about it recently I have realized I am still the kid who hates school and does just enough to not fail any classes. I have traded school for work and grades for pay, “Cs get degrees”. Nothing has really changed. Despite this, there have been some bright spots.
Todo write about taking on a double major and signing up for GIRC
Can I find a copy of the paper we wrote
Bootcamps, specifically Hack Reactor, when I was getting started with programming wasn’t all that easy. It took some serious commitment to go from 0 coding experience to passing their test. It obviously is not impossible but its definitely, or at least was, a hurdle. As I think about it though, was it really my own willpower? I made the commitment with Docusign and a wire transfer, but as for the willpower, there was a prep course designed to teach you the basics of Javascript.
Additionally, the bootcamp itself was a bit daunting. Six days a week, ten hours a day you were expected to be present and either learning or practicing. This also was a big commitment, but could I have done it completely on my own? Probably not. There was a lot tied to me attending, including how my friends and family would judge me if I failed. I made friends within the bootcamp that was an additional driver for success. Is vanity a direct substitute? I think again, in a similar way I was able to do the hard thing but only when the path was laid out for me.
When I really needed to find a new job, I signed up for Formation. Its basically a study prep “bootcamp”. They had a flat fee option with a really good track record of getting people interviews at big tech (or adjacent), passing interviews, and even help with salary negotiations. I am super thankful to them because again, I was able to do the work and learn the necessary concepts and commit the time, I just couldn’t do it on my own. Once again the path was laid out before me and I had a guide every step of the way.
One of the only things I have done in my career where I actually accomplished a goal, and no one was holding my hand, was my Learning Every Day series. I started with 45 minutes every day and recorded myself in front of the computer attempting, and often times failing, to learn Java and Kotlin. While I did outsource the learning path and material to a 3rd party, for once no one was holding my hand. I hadn’t committed any sums of money. I did not even tell anyone I was doing it. I just recorded my session and uploaded it to YouTube.
In fact, my only regret with the series is that I did not continue it to some degree. The reason I stopped was so I could focus on work as onboarding to backend was more difficult than I anticipated. It turns out learning a language and providing value at work are quite different, who knew. I needed a bit less stress so I was actually ok at the time letting it go. It’s only now that I am writing this that I wish I could boast for having done a few more hundred days.
And to measure the success immaterially, I was able to go from being completely lost in a Kotlin file, to having enough confidence to solicit myself as “knowing some Kotlin”.
Sika Strength is a company of two guys who are committed to strength training and sports performance. They spoke about achieving goals. Rather than focusing on the final outcome, you focus on the process that makes the final outcome achievable (or something along those lines). Basically the process to accomplish the goal is the goal, rather than the goal itself.
While the subject is different, the concept was agnostic.
As I look backwards and where I was the most successful, this approach was the only time I feel I can claim I didn’t have anyone holding my hand. I did outsource parts of the process (learning path) but found a vehicle of motivation to stay consistent.
I think I am smart enough, and it appears I have a path that works where I won’t have to rely on anyone else.
When I think about the lofty goal of complete independence and self-determination with my career, I am trying to form a plan. I dont know if either of these are completely achievable. I also dont know if I will find a process that has mutual benefits with other aspects of my life. I do know that I don’t want to spin my wheels looking around for too long since I have a bad habit of stalling out in the planning phase. I just need to start on something.
I know I am not the guy who will invent some industry shifting technology. With that said, I think I am “smart enough” to get lucky with simpler products. The problem right now is I have zero. I think I can start small and iterate on ideas with simple challenges I face in my own life.